The Word in Focus with Dr Larry Taylor

I had very little church influence growing up. I was taught to say the Lord’s prayer and terrified by that “now-I-lay-me-down-to-sleep” thing. Yet I always knew there was a God. Periodic numinous experiences enveloped me and I longed for authenticity and depth of meaning.

I also had deep existential fears exacerbated by undiagnosed supraventricular tachycardia. Thanks to several years of analysis with a Jungian psychologist, I know now where those fears were born. Intervention by a skilled electrophysiologist cured the supraventricular tachycardia. A good clean antidepressant prescribed by a psychiatrist, ongoing depth-therapy, and regular spiritual direction not only extracted me (for the most part) from the proverbial slough of despond but are enabling me to (hopefully) be of some help to others who are struggling.

After a life-altering mystical experience when I was in High School, I knew God was love. That awareness did not come from a church, nor did it even occur to me to attend a church thereafter. I read, though – the Hebrew scriptures, the New Testament, philosophy, world religions, English literature, abnormal psychology, history, sociology, environmental science …

Church came into the picture after I married and had a baby. I guess I thought the proper thing to do was to take the family to church. We went to a parish affiliated with the Anabaptist and pacifist Church of the Brethren. As with everything in my life, I plunged in. The charismatic Jesus movement exploded in our area, and I was soon baptized in the Holy Spirit and praying in tongues.

Before I knew it, my plan to teach English had changed to ordained Christian ministry. My first pastorate was in rural Minnesota. All the ministers in the area got along with one another, and we call joined in sponsoring community events. Our prayer meetings were filled with Catholics, Lutherans, Pentecostals, and other Protestants of all sorts. 

My sister connected me with Chuck Smith and Calvary Chapel. Again, plunging in head-long, I founded churches affiliated with Calvary Chapel and thoroughly absorbed biblical literalism, pretribulation rapture dispensationalism, and conservative political views. Gradually, Calvary Chapel became less ecumenical, more conservative, and less tolerant of opposing views. 

Very gradually, it all unraveled. A “gospel” that championed corrupt politicians, hated queer people, advocated war, unexaminedly supported the secular nation of Israel, blamed minorities for their own struggles, whitewashed history, hid thinly veiled racism, denied clear scientific findings, and judgmentally consigned multitudes to eternal conscious torture seemed quite incongruent with the teachings of Jesus.

But the Jesus who enveloped me in pure love when I was a boy and a teenager and a young adult never left me. The scaffolding I had erected around Christ crumbled, but he remained – unshakable, constant, reliable, unconditional love.

Never be afraid to doubt or question anything you hear in a faith community or from a faith leader. Use the brain God gave you to explore. There’s nothing wrong with some demolition. Sometimes the timbers are too rotten to fix.

And there’ve been some rotten timber in the church: antisemitism, war-mongering, racism, slavery, segregation, hatred, unforgiveness, xenophobia, rejection of immigrants, dismissal of other worldviews, pseudo-science, conspiracy theories, hatred towards the queer community, gun-loving, capital punishment supporting, flag-waving jingoistic nationalism, support of corrupt immoral leaders, greed … the list goes on.

Like termite infested beams, things like that need to be unlearned. Sometimes it feels like there’ll be nothing left.

But there will be. Jesus won’t go anywhere. False images of Jesus as a white, wealthy warrior god, as your personal banker or genie miracle worker, or nationalistic champion are idols and they will crumble. But the real Jesus, the son of God who rose from the dead, will be left after the rubble is cleared away and will enable you to build a new religiophilosophical worldview based on infinite, unconditional love. God will lead you to others who worship the same Jesus in faith communities that welcome everyone, embrace diversity, care for the poor, serve those on the margins, and are filled with love.